Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
