Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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