So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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