I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
