New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
