I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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