She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
