sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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