i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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