hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
