Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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