My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
