I wish my penis had an off switch
I cockslap morals
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
