He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
