i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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