she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
