I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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