we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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