Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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