apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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