i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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