It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
