there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
