Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I touched a dick in church today
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
