dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize