I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
