I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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