Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
