What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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