thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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