i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
