I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
