New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
