ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
