My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
This house was built for laser tag.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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