One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
