I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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