Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
