if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
