just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
