well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
