We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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