Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize