I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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