how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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