you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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