O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
