not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
