I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
