I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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