so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
