I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
