i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
