Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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