this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
