I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
