I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
