Me too!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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