70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
