I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
