im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
