I'm eating all of the evidence.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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