update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
