almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
