About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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