EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
