evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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