This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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