I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
