i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
