She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
