I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
