So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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