Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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