im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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