you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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