last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
