Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You took a bar mat shot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
