She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
