Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
