i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
