We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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