so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
