dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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