I molested 6 butterflies tonight
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
