Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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