Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
