I love black thongs
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
