I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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