he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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