the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
